If Only You Knew I Cared So Much
by 1helluvahetalian
Summary: If only I had cared more, If only I hadn't let you go. Marco/Jean one-shot


It was you, you who were strong and compassionate even when I was cold and unforgiving. You allowed me to kick punch and bite at every friendship attempt. And now here you stood, taking responsibility for _my _actions.

It was only a week ago me and you had been gathering the plants from the harvest. I had complained stating that if you had been more careful perhaps we would've had more crops to sell. You didn't blink. You simply smiled and laughed it off.

"You're right Jean, I guess next time I'll sleep outside with them." You chuckled, I couldn't tell if you were being a smart ass or if you were serious.

"Whatever, just we're going to have to make do with this." I replied gruffly, caring the basket to the pump to wash them off. Majority of the collected crops would be sold at a stand in town. And whatever wasn't sold, and the few put aside would feed them until the next harvest.

"Hey Jean…" You began, following me, and placing your basket on the ground to help me wash my share.

"What is it Marco?" I seemed to snap for no reason, clearly still irritated about the poor turn out the season had brought them.

"Nothing, I…It was just something stupid." You simply shook it off, and finally finished washing.

The morning after, you helped push the wagon carry only a barrel of corn towards the market place, I followed close behind, only helping set up the stand and take money from customers.

I soon left you to close up, and told you that I would be back by dinner. I had wanted to waste some money at a pub not that far. You only chuckled and said that was ok, you'd just cut back on your artist supplies.

And I was ok with that, because I didn't take your feelings into consideration. You simply let me push you around.

It wasn't until you found me; huddled in the corner of our cabin did I finally need and want your help, holding me in your arms, whispering to me that everything would be fine. No one would know that I, Jean Kirschtein, had murdered the king. Why I had done so, according to you, was reasonable. I had done it in self defense. If I hadn't I would be dead. No one would find out that _I _had killed the king, and I wish I knew what you had meant by that sooner. If I had, perhaps I would've stopped you.

"**_Marco! No Stop!_**" I shouted, my voice cracking with grief as I ran towards the stage. Just the sight of you standing there caused a noisome feeling.

You looked from the spot you stood. Looking over the crowds of people, people who thought you had been the one to kill their precious king, all but one. Your eyes met with mine. They were felt with such love, such loyalty. You were protecting me, the one who treated you like a dog.

"**_No, stop it, you have the wrong person!_**" I screamed above the cheering crowd, struggling as guards held me back.

"No! Let go of me! I have to save him, I have to rescue-he's my b-He's my best friend!" I whimpered, as the tall guards gave a sympathetic look, but refused to release me, I looked towards you, my eyes filling tears, blurring my vision and causing my struggles to become more frenzied.

"Get on your knees, you sack of shit." I heard as your executer pushed you onto your knees in front of the stone block and pulled out a piece of wrinkled paper.

"Marco Bodt, today we are to witness your death. Do you Marco Bodt confess to your crime, the baleful murder of our king?" The man's voice boomed as the crowd became hushed.

Your eyes once again moved to meet mine, and seemed to lock onto me as the horrifying words came out of your mouth.

"I do." You said, strong and brave. Not once meeting anyone else's gaze but mine.

"**_No Marco, Don't do it! Don't admit to it!_**" I screamed, feeling the warm tears streaming down my face as I broke free of the guards and started running towards the center. I was hoping, praying, to save you. But once again I was pulled back, this time by a man I knew, a man I trusted.

"Eren, Let me go! Even you should know Marco wouldn't do something such as this!" I pleaded as the other held me back.

"It's not worth it, Jean." Eren seemed to be pleading with me to give up. He wanted me to give up on you, Marco. He wanted me to just watch you die.

You were placed head down on the surface you were to die on. And I watched with horror, wanting to remove my eyes, but not being able to.

"Any last words?" The audience heard the executioner ask, grabbing the axe he was to use to complete the job.

"Yeah." And with an ephemeral glace towards me, you mouthed the words, only meant for me. "I love you, Jean."

And with that silent goodbye the axe was brought down upon you, in what I could only hoped was a quick death. I listened in horror as the crowd cheered your death, chanting that you deserved it. Or perhaps it was me that received a punishment, watching you die, Marco that was something I could never let go. Though I did notice the solemn expressions on our close friends, and noticed a few even on their hands and knees crying for you.

"**_No! Marco!_**" I couldn't contain myself any longer as I broke free of Eren's loose grasp and running up to you, holding your body close to mine.

"H-hey buddy, wake up, c'mon now, you can't die just yet. All the things you and I have to do. C'mon. Please Marco come back." I cried softy, holding you too close me, close to my heart. "I loved you too, Marco…I loved you too."

I stood up, regaining some of my composure, but with renewed anger and hatred.

"Why? **_Why the _**_hell __**did it have to be Marco?! He was innocent, an innocent man!**_" My Anger was directed towards the crowed of now very worried people.

And then I felt peace, and darkness surrounded me. Perhaps I'd too join you Marco.

Noticing the pained expression on his lover's face, Marco finally shook him awake.

"Hey Jean, oh Jean, it's ok, oh crap you're crying, you're shaking-Breathe Jean, I'm here, Breathe. Here, come here." Marco tightly embraced the man, running small soothing circles on his back and gently whispering reassuring words.

"It was all a dream ok, nothing to fear." Marco murmured, as the man on his chest began to sob.

"Just don't ever leave me? Ok, Marco, you have to promise." Marco was able to make out through patches of sobs and breaths.

"Aw, Jean, I'd never leave you ok? Hey you know what, why don't I take the day off, you and I can have a nice day drinking hot chocolate and watching Disney movies, I'll even let you pick." Marco murmured, pulling Jean up to his face to give him a quick peck on the lips.

Marco's eyes lost their cheerful gleam and instead showed a serious side of Marco, Jean had only seen a few times before.

"I Promise Jean, I won't**_ ever_** leave your side again."

Marco couldn't place why he had said 'Again', but for some reason or another, the word seemed to have just slipped out.


End file.
